Parody Love is a Desert
by AngryPurplePenguin
Summary: Parody "What if" story based on Naruto. Sasuke is still missing, Naruto and team are searching for him and Hinata has fallen in love with a demon.


So I wanted to write something funny making fun of Hinata/Gaara pairings but I don't write comedy. I can't write comedy so instead I tried to write a serious one and hoped it would come out amusing. If you ahve any attachments to Naruto or the characters in the show don't hit me too hard. :D

Gaara s fingers found their way around her throat. His first four fingers curving around the side of her neck while his thumb came to rest under the back of her jaw. His thumb pressed inward causing her head to turn upward sideways. She looked into his eyes, saw the smirk that was growing on his face and closed her eyes. There was a sense of safety there she had never known before and as their lips met, Hinata was glad to see Gaara had come back.

LOVE IS A DESERT A HORRID FANFIC PARODY

Ten-ten watched in nervous anxiety as a nearby tree fell to a single punch from a highly agitated Naruto. Gaara had escaped Naruto s trap again and once again, there was no sign of the still missing Hinata. For all they all knew Hinata could be dead and buried in one of the hundreds of unmarked graves that littered the country side.

I ll find her, believe it! Naruto yelled as he admired his handiwork on the tree.

like you found Sasuke? Ten-ten whispered.

What? Naruto hadn t caught any of what she had said, but he knew she had said something.

Ten-ten then said something about them needing to increase their vigilance. They had been looking for Sasuke for ten years now and Hinata for one. They knew Orochimaru was responsible for Sasuke and Gaara for Hinata but they could never seem to rescue either one. Instead, they kept having pointless side missions come up that kept them distracted long enough for the lead they were on to turn cold.

It was in this year of searching that Naruto realized the feelings he did have for Hinata. All those times he spent rejecting her were just his ways of accepting her. All his pride couldn t let him admit to liking someone as meek and reserved as Hinata but now that she was gone and no longer constantly vying for his attention, he realized he had to have her back.

I ll find her. Believe it!

You re hurt. Hinata spoke in a voice louder then what she had a year ago.

It s nothing. A reminder of the life that flows within me. Gaara brushed her away and began walking toward the mouth of the cave they called home.

And letting all your life pour out on the ground will be a reminder of the stupidity in your head.

Gaara stopped and then looked over his shoulder; she wasn t smiling. He had grown attached to Hinata in the year he had kept her there. It was surprising seeing someone as her come to him wanting to learn a more powerful jutsu then the one she already possessed. The idea that she was such a jilted lover that she wanted to murder Naruto out of jealous rage amused him to such an extent he agreed to train her. Somehow during the training they had forgotten the original goal, having become lost within each others sphere of influences.

Fine, he lifted his bloody shirt, revealing two puncture marks from kunai, happy?

What happened? Hinata gasped, running to catch up with him, pulling gauze from a bag at her hip.

That bitch Sakura has gotten faster with her kunai. He spoke with venom oozing in his voice.

He didn t mention that the sheer number of ninja who had been involved nor how close to the cave they had gotten. He knew it would upset her and he didn t feel right now was the time to upset her. It surprised him that it had taken that many ninjas a year to realize that a cave surrounded by a desert in the middle of a jungle was unusual. It surprised him even more that they still hadn t actually gone for the cave, instead they were trashing the wanderers that traveled the desert.

They ll be here soon won t they? She broke his thoughts.

Yes. He didn t say anything else. Had she known all along?

WHERE IS GAARA? Naruto screamed as he jumped onto wagon pulled by cattle, holding the driver by the top of his shirt.

Dude, the cave, seriously! The driver stuttered

Naruto flicked his wrist, throwing the man across the ground. Naruto was on his haunches, thinking now. He could feel it within himself, the seals were breaking all at once rather than one at a time. His mind was becoming unstable and he was giving in to the fox demon within him. He wasn t exactly sure he was against the idea of giving over to it and this troubled him.

We need to do something about Naruto. Ten-ten whispered to the other two ninjas with her as Naruto looked away.

Shikamaru and Sakura nodded their heads, they knew she was right.

We can t give up on Hinata though. Sakura whispered back

Hinata is dead! She s been dead for a year now! Ten-ten was shrill and forceful now.

Then what keeps Gaara so occupied in this area? Shikamaru grabbed a cigarette from his pouch and planted it on his lips, There is nothing here but sand and sky. Even the occasional wanderer isn t enough to entertain Gaara. Shikamaru lit the cigarette, Something or someONE is giving him a reason for staying in this area. He took a long drag, held it, then slowly released the white-grey smoke through his mouth.

They turned to look back at Naruto. He had stood and began to get off the wagon.

We re heading for the cave. Naruto said, pointing toward the only mountain in sight covered in sand.

Hinata pulled away from the kiss with Gaara. There was this sense of heaviness between them now. A sense of doom and dread.

I m coming with you. Hinata spoke softly.

No. Before you stayed with me, I knew only life through death but now I know life without death. Gaara looked away from her, This is my doing, not yours. Even the sand village has code against causing another s death for your own actions.

She placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, Before I met you I was meek and afraid to express myself but now, She removed a kunai from her belt and twirled it on her fingers before laying it against his neck, now I m not afraid.

Too high, I would live long enough to kill you too. Gaara smiled, he adjusted his neck against her blade, there.

She smiled at him as his hand went behind her head, his fingers finding her hair that had grown out in the time she had been there. In-between his fingers, her soft hair went, until he had a handful. He jerked her head back then thrust his lips on hers as she ran the blade across his neck to his chest, leaving a faint line of red on his skin. She fell backwards, him on top of her. She continued to leave little lines of red on him as his other hand found her neck and squeezed, their kisses becoming intense.

Then there was an explosion at the mouth of the cave followed by a loud declaration.

GAARA OF SAND VILLAGE! PREPARE TO DIE!

Holy shit this sucks. Shikamaru said, taking a drag from another cigarette as Naruto made his proclamation.

This wasn t part of the plan. Sakura said to Naruto.

We find Hinata and kill Gaara, believe it. Naruto threw another bomb into the cave.

The bomb came flying back on a wave of sand and air. Naruto and the others scattered, easily dodging the explosion.

It s you who will die. Gaara spoke calmly as he walked out of the cave.

Hinata was pressed against Gaara in a sort of half hug but her head was turned to where she could look at the group. Naruto, Ten-ten, Sakura, and Shikamaru saw this with shock on their faces. What was going on here? Had Hinata been brainwashed? Things had taken a turn for the disturbingly fairly quickly.

What has he done to you, Hinata? Naruto cried out, seeing her that close to Gaara.

What you never could love me. Hinata replied, kissing Gaara on the lips slowly to tease Naruto.

Naruto yelled and lunged at Gaara. His feet fell with each running step, a little harder, a little heavier each time. He felt something snap in him and with that snap he gave in.

A wall of sand shot up in front of Gaara and Hinata.

Go, find someplace safe. Find someone else, someone who ll love you like I did. In someplace far away Gaara said to Hinata, pushing her away.

Hinata began weeping, turned and ran.

Seconds after the sand wall rose, it shattered as a flaming Naruto came through it. Only a handful of areas on Naruto even looked human. His skin was flaking and flying off as red contrails of energy shot through and surrounded him.

I will eat your soul. Naruto growled in a voice Gaara had never heard before.

I have no soul. Gaara replied as he began jesturing jutsu.

Naruto jumped backwards toward the other three ninjas as sand kunai began flying up from the ground at him. He then began deflecting the kunai fired two blocks of sand that had just risen from the ground with his claws.

Naruto, you re killing yourself. Sakura said knowing that there was nothing they could do now that the fox demon was manifesting itself. Naruto lunged against at Gaara.

Come on you guys. We have to stop this fight now before Naruto looses it completely. Ten-ten began running toward Gaara followed by Sakura and Shikamaru who threw the butt of his cigarette away mid-jog.

You ll have to get threw me first. Hinata landed near the group wearing a female version of Gaara s black suit.

Hinata! Sakura exclaimed, What happened to you? The group came to a halt.

You wouldn t understand. The veins around Hinata s eyes were bulging and sand was appeared to be snaking it s way up her legs.

We don t have to fight. Come back to us, please. Ten-ten was pleading.

I d rather die. 360 Sand strike! Hinata yelled as thinner, weaker versions of Gaara s sand spikes began shooting out of the ground at the three ninjas.

Looking back, Hinata saw an eight foot sand armored Gaara fighting with a now almost completely nine-tailed fox Naruto.

Naruto s body was dissolving. At first he was morphing into the fox demon in body form but now, his body was flying apart. The intense level of chakra being released was ripping his flesh off. The fox demon had won, it was the demon that was fighting now, not Naruto.

Claws landed on the hardened shell of the behemoth Gaara who was fighting his own internal battle. The sand demon within him was becoming free. The effect of one demon being free was that it was inadvertently freeing any other nearby demons, or trying at least.

Gaara shook Naruto off his right arm, throwing Naruto once again a good deal away from him. He followed this up with a stream of sand from his left arm. The fox demon was too fast, it had already gotten back up and now Naruto was racing atop the sand stream toward a surprised Gaara.

Huurrk! Gaara, choked as he felt the fox demon claws pierce his sand armor, stabbing him in the chest.

Quickly, Gaara formed a spike with his right arm and ran Naruto through the stomach. There was a loud wail from Naruto that sounded inhuman an chilling. Naruto exploded, his flesh completely gone, his skeleton being the only thing left.

The skeleton flew off of Gaara and then stretched to conform the energy that was forming the body of the fox demon. The fox demon was now manifested in full within reality and no longer needed Naruto save for his bones. Gaara looked toward Hinata who was fighting off three ninja s herself. Or, rather two ninja s while a third one smoked.

Ten-ten gasped for air. Her lung burned, the other was collapsed. She could feel the broken bones in her left side crying out for mercy and yet she continued on to attack Hinata.

Sakura faired better, having only taken a single sand kunai hit to the leg. She reached into her bag of kunai and concentrated. Not only did Hinata have near 360 vision but she now had control over sand and the ability to see chakra. Sakura was quick though, her ability to fire off kunai were unmatched even by some lower level rifles. The thought hurt her, but Hinata was leaving her no choice, she was going to have to kill her.

Ten-ten moved as fast as she could but it was fast enough, the pain in her side, the lack of oxygen. She cried out as a sand spike impaled her through the back, exiting her chest.

TEN-TEN! Sakura screamed as her friend died.

Aww, shit Shikamaru put his cigarette out on his shoe bottom and focused, I guess I got to do something now. Could ve been home sleeping but nooooo, gotta save Hinata s skanky ass. He began channeling shadows.

Sakura jumped and began firing off kunai. Moving with near Naruto lightning speeds, she ran around Hinata throwing everything she had at her. Hinata blocked them at first but then a shadow reached her, slowing her at first before stopping her altogether causing her to become riddled with kunai.

GAARA! Hinata screamed with her last breath before falling to the ground dead.

You stupid bitch! Shikamaru yelled as he fell forward clutching a kunai that had found it s way to his chest, watch where you throw those things. and he died.

Sakura began crying and looked back at Naruto and Gaara.

Naruto was on top of Gaara ripping off armor as fast as it replaced itself. He was losing quick, he knew he was losing but Gaara kept fighting, he refused to let Naruto win. With hearing Hinata s death cry though, the fight was pointless. Now Gaara lived only to kill Naruto.

The bones of Naruto powering the fox demons existence were weakening, the demon was using too much power too quickly and was now risking destroying the one thing that was allowing it to exist as it was. Gaara realized this too and knew what had to be done.

Sakura began running toward Gaara and Naruto the second she saw what was going on. She knew she wouldn t reach them in time or even stop them if she did but she tried anyway.

Sand coffin!

Sakura fell to her knees when she heard Gaara scream that. The sand came crashing down crushing both Gaara and Naruto. The bones of Naruto shattering from the and the fox demons energy. The sand coffin exploded as the fox demon energy was released and dissipated, having nothing to hold on to and insufficient amount left to be a spirit.

Sakura looked around her at the carnage. She realized this was going to be flash back material and side story filler for a good two seasons at least. She got up and began limping home. 


End file.
